sometimes.

sometimes i eat too much because it makes me feel better.

sometimes i get mad at you for no reason.

sometimes i really don't forget, i just don't want to.

sometimes i worry too much about how i look.

sometimes i could care less.

sometimes my feelings get hurt too easily.

sometimes i cry myself to sleep.

a new me.

today, i cutted alll my hairs off. and i feel so much lighter. 8 inches off, and for a moment, it felt like all the stress i have been swimming in just drained away.

but now i am just sitting here waiting for D to get home. i am soo excited for him to see the new me. i am so happy, because i'll be starting work on turdsay, and that means i won't be sitting alone. all day long.

things have been a little weird for me lately. i don't know if i am just looking for something, or if things are not right. I am trying to get back into shape. i don't want to lose weight, just look good. i haven't been happy with that aspect of me for a while. i think maybe it has affected our relationship. i just want to be with him. if its cuddling on the couch, sitting on the front porch together, or something else. that's all i want. have i pushed him to far?

every freakin movie or show i watch has totally turned me into a blubbering baby. yesterday, i watched the notebook. (which by the way, i wanted to hate. all the hype, made me not want to like it. but i am buying the moment i get paid. oh my god what that a great movie.) i have never cried at a movie sooo much. i am making D watch it. although, not tonight--- dead like me is on.

hmmm. i just want to be happy again. normal. me.

guess who's back...

today, as i was getting dressed after taking a shower, my bra ripped. i had hooked it in the back and as i pulled the straps up, i heard this zzssippp. just a little thing. right between my boobs. but, a little thing will turn into a big thing. and one day i will be walking down the street, and my bra will just give out and my teeny boobies will be flappin in the wind.

oh what a day that'll be. damn, i can't wait to start my new job **thursday** and then i can buy new underwear and such.

packin' my bags.

i am leaving to go home to KC for the week... and now, i wish my hubby was going too.

i hate being away from him. and he keeps me sane. who knows what will happen, because he won't be there to muffle my cries for freedom.

i miss him already, and he's not even home from work yet.

The first day...

Today is the first day that i have gotten out of bed and NOT had a headache, in over a week.

i have to pee.

Sitting on the couch with Ali (or, holy crap am I bored)

While my husband is upstairs, watching nascar--- i sit here, on the couch, by myself. i hate that stoopid sport (?). i hate that it takes 50 hours to go 9 laps. aargh. yes, i know i am a brat. but, hell, I think i am more interesting than cars going around in circles.

i am jettin' home for the majority of the week. i really am dreading spending 4 days with my mom. i can't even make it through a 15 minute phone call. I hope and pray that my dad will save me.

and i still have headaches. that freakin scares me. what in the hell could be making my head hurt so bad? sheesh.

alright, i am done bitching. what now?

crazy...

so there's this song on make believe--- the new weezer album.

it's called this is such a pity.

it totally exactly reminds me of the relationship with my high school boyfriend. you know, it was one of those young, stoopid loves, we thought we were meant for each other, but we were totally NOT. holy shit. i haven't thought about that in a long time. it's crazy...

great album by the way. a must have.

PEEEUUUUU!

Damn. this medication they put me on for my headaches. ugghhh. it makes me gassy. like huge, manly farts.

ahhh. so, i think i have west nile virus. a mild case, but still. I have had these headaches, numbing, throbbing, brain swelling headaches that caused me to think about a labotomy. So yesterday, i gave in. i went to the doctor. it was weird. he did the whole, ears, throat, eyes, take a deep breath now, let it out slowly now, thing. but after that, he had me doing some weird tests. put your arms out, touch your nose, walk heel to toe, drunk driver kinda stuff. (and i passed, with flying colors!)

after all of that, he said i was getting over a viral infection. ??? just before i got sick, i was bitby a mosquito. dammnit.it was a huge bite, and it left a mark for over a week. (me being allergic to the little suckers, that's not an uncommon thing)

I hate mosquitos. And being this gassy. but, at least it doesn't stink.